MONSTER-IN-LAW
(Birch/Douglas) © Plangent Visions Music Ltd

I walked to the altar with the best intent, in a three piece suit with a twelve inch vent.  Friends to the left, family to the right, with a wink and a nudge and an 'alright tonight'.  It was so pure, it was perfection, everybody there at the wedding reception.  Said it was nice, said it was neat, but I didn't know that she came complete... with a monster-in-law, the new relation with the nagging jaw, she was a monster-in-law, I was at war with a monster-in-law.

My friends didn't tell me what I should have known, the endless ear bashing on the telephone.  She nagged me in the mail, nagged me in the press, she was the cause of my unhappiness.  It was no fun, it was so frightening, each time she spoke, thunder and lightening.  Nowhere to run, there was no escape, chased by a creature in the shape... of a monster-in-law, the new relation with the nagging jaw, she was a monster-in-law, I was at war with a monster-in-law.

Five years later when the old girl died, somebody said that it was suicide.  Poison in her tea, glass on her toast, with a cough and a splutter she gave up the ghost.  It was relief, it was salvation, no more grief, no more aggravation.  I said it was nice, said it was neat, but who came to haunt me in my sleep?  It was a monster-in-law, the new relation with the nagging jaw, she was a monster-in-law, I was at war with a monster-in-law.

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